Finding Your Mom Tribe

Mom tribe is something we all desire. After all, we all want to feel like we belong. And you would think that becoming a mom would make it easy to be belong to a mom circle – after all, there are so many moms out there. But it’s quite the opposite.

Motherhood can be quite isolating. I know it was for me at the beginning! So let’s talk about how we can find out mom tribe so we are surrounded by supportive women. Moms who will listen to our struggles and happy moments and understand.

Tip #1: Start with Close Friends and Family Members

Your close circle is where you should start. Those were the people who love you and care about you. And even if they are opinionated, they truly have your best interest at heart.

You will quickly learn that when it comes to motherhood and raising children, people have a ton of opinions. And they are not afraid to share it! So don’t feel stressed out by all the information about ‘what you need to do’ that will be coming your way. Listen to it and take away what you thinks is applicable and what fits parenting style. And whatever does not resonate with you – take Elsa’s approach and LET IT GO!

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My go to people were my sister and a few of my close friends. The perfect person would have been my mom but she passed away when I was 17. So I did not have that luxury. But if you have a support of your mom in your life – make sure that you take advantage of that. Now that you are a mom, you know that the love for your child is unconditional and stronger than you could have ever imagined. Therefore, you know that you mom will offer any support that you might need.

Tip #2: Don’t Look for a Mom who is Exactly Like You 

The second tip when it comes to finding your mom tribe is not to look for another mom who does things exactly the same way as you do. She does not exist!

Everyone is so different. You might agree on most things but you will not agree on all of them. Think about it. Motherhood and parenting have so many factors. From the moment our babies are born we are faced with decisions; breastfeeding or bottle feeding, pampers or cloth diapers, co-sleeping or own crib. The list goes on and on. So you will not find your clone!

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Instead, concentrate on your values. Don’t disregard another mom as your friend or sounding board simply because you disagree or something trivial like cloth diapering! If you let go of those little things, you will see that we all have a lot in common. And if we are able to put our differences aside, we can really be helpful and supportive to one another.

And remember that you can seek help and support for different things from different members of your mom tribe. For example, you might disagree about whether or not you should vaccinate your kids. But you might be on the same page as far as homeschooling vs. public school goes. So if you need to brainstorm some ideas or are looking for support in school related area – this is your mom friend. But if you need to talk about vaccinations, you probably should go to another mom for that discussion.

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Tip #3: Be Helpful to Other Moms

One of the best ways you can find your mom tribe is to be helpful to other moms. You don’t have to constantly give advice. Actually, if nobody is asking for your opinion or advice, you probably should not share it 🙂

Instead, show your support. Show that you understand. For example, when you are at a playground and observe a toddler throwing a tantrum after a tantrum, don’t go to the mom and start telling her what she needs to do to improve the situation. Instead, offer her some support by sharing that you just got out of that phase not that long ago. And that it will pass for her as well. Saying that will make her feel more at ease. She does not need your lecture but your understanding and support.

So be that person to other moms. Even if you never see that person after a single encounter, I promise it will make a huge difference to her.

Tip #4: Start a Conversation with Other Moms

The next tip to start creating your mom tribe is to simply start talking to other moms. Strike a conversation with another mom at the playground, waiting room at the doctor’s office, or during school pick up. If you are not sure what to talk about use the place where you are at to come up with the topic. You are both there, so you already have something in common.

I know that I have made a lot of those connections at my daughter’s daycare and at my son’s school. I would talk about an event that is coming up or a challenge that we are facing. Because who else will understand the situation better than another mom who is in the exact same situation?

You don’t have to become friends with them but they can definitely become part of your mom tribe. They will be great to discuss those issues you have in common so you can brainstorm some ideas together.

Tip #5: Join Mom Specific Facebook Groups

I will tell you that as a working mom, it is sometimes hard to find any time to make those connections with other moms. And that is where social media comes to the rescue. Anytime I have a question or I’m facing a struggle, I know that I can go on my trusted Facebook group and ask a question. Or simply do a search and see if it was already asked and look at the comments.

You can easily find a Mom Group for a specific topic you are interested in. It might be a group related to breastfeeding, raising children with special needs, or a group for working moms. A simple search will help you find those groups. And if you cannot find something that you are looking for – consider starting your own group. Because if you are looking for a specific support, there are probably many more moms who have the same need.

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A couple of things to remember:

Remember that you don’t want to be judgmental in those groups. Social media should never be used for mom shaming or to start mom wars! There is a difference between having a constructive dialog about an issue where you learn about a different perspective from someone else and when you are pushing your own opinion on another mom.

Remember there is no one way of parenting that will work! There are so many. So don’t take it personally when someone does not agree with your way.

If there is something that goes against your values or something that you simply cannot stand, either mute a specific person in that group so you will no longer see post from them, or leave the group altogether. There is no point of getting frustrated! If the group is not helpful, leave and find another one.

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Your Turn

What other ways do you use to find your mom tribe?